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Wednesday, 22 January 2020
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If Star Wars Was Real... 

Searching through thousands of photographs and documents for evidence that Star Wars is real can be quite tedious. The ISWWR Team often shout out one-liners to each other while working to keep things upbeat:

ISWWR... Bob Marley's biggest hit would be called "Gungan Soldier." -Mark Seely

ISWWR... NASPOD would replace NASCAR -Mark Seely

ISWWR.. bookstores would carry Star Wars books in the history, biography, and true crime sections. -Mark Seely

ISWWR... potholes wouldn't be a problem. -Mark Seely

ISWWR... a new comedy series on TV would be called "How I Met My Sister." -Mark Seely

ISWWR... Honda, Isuzu, and Toyota would be Neimodian companies. -Mark Seely

ISWWR... Windows Vista wouldn't be any better. -Mark Seely

ISWWR... the 1928 presidential slogan of Herbert Hoover would have been: "a barve in every pot, a landspeeder in every garage." -Mark Seely

ISWWR... iPhones would project tiny holograms of the people we talk to. -Mark Seely

ISWWR... "Unfortunate lightsaber incident" would be a legitimate qualifier for disability insurance. - Bryan Patrick Stoyle

ISWWR... Ewoks would be available at most major pet stores. - Bryan Patrick Stoyle

ISWWR... Mustafar would have been covered with signs reading: "WARNING: LAVA" - Bryan Patrick Stoyle

ISWWR... NASA would be ancient history. - Miriam Tait-Walters

ISWWR... people would dress up in t-shirts and jeans at conventions. - Miriam Tait-Walters

ISWWR... it would still be cool to be Mandalorian. - Miriam Tait-Walters

ISWWR... Everyone's shadow would cast light on their destiny. - Andrew Martin Hogsten

ISWWR... Palpatine would be locked up in a retirement home. - Andrew Martin Hogsten

ISWWR... The World Series would have a new meaning. - Andrew Martin Hogsten

ISWWR... Greedo's death would be featured on Unsolved Mysteries. - Andrew Martin Hogsten

ISWWR... We would have aced History Class! - Andrew Martin Hogsten

ISWWR... Hitler would have been killed by his apprentice. - Andrew Martin Hogsten

ISWWR... We'd still have a crush on Carrie Fisher. - Andrew Martin Hogsten

ISWWR... We'd still want to fight William Shatner. - Andrew Martin Hogsten

ISWWR... George Lucas would be broke. - Andrew Martin Hogsten

ISWWR... a protocol droid would be doing your job!

ISWWR... unfortunately, Princess Leia would have been your sister too.

ISWWR... you would be captain of the Millenium Flamingo instead of that other one.

ISWWR... Boba Fett would've disintegrated you already.

ISWWR... the Empire would be the LEAST of your worries. 

ISWWR... Jabba would live in the midwest and wouldn't be considered obese!

ISWWR... Jabba would be the #1 Hip Hop / R&B artist in America!

ISWWR... you would have failed as a jedi. 

ISWWR... it would be easy to become a Stormtrooper because you wouldn't need any blaster training! - Alex Domsky 

ISWWR... the hottest show on MTV would be 'Pimp My Landspeeder'. - Alex Domksy

ISWWR... Star Trek still wouldn't be! - Alex Domsky 

ISWWR... this site would not exist. - Alex Domsky 

ISWWR... Donald Trump's new apprentice would be chosen in a room in front of an oversized, round window looking out into space.

ISWWR... The Empire would find you and laugh.

ISWWR... There wouldn't be much 'celebrating' at SW conventions.

ISWWR... The Empire would have fired the Elvis Stormtrooper!

ISWWR... Darth Vader would owe a LOT of back-pay child support!

ISWWR... Jabba the Hutt's stuffed crust would not be what you think it is!

ISWWR... there would be billboards with the slogan, "Got Bacta?".

ISWWR... those lightsaber scars on your hands would be easier to exlpain.

ISWWR... Maury Povitch would announce that Darth Vader is YOUR father!

ISWWR... wait, what do you mean "if"?

ISWWR... You would think twice before accepting a dinner invitation from Lando Calrissian!

ISWWR... Bib Fortuna would be the "chicken of the sea".

ISWWR... Admiral Ackbar would stay far away from Red Lobster.

ISWWR... Han Solo's piracy would have been for those 14,520 illegal Napster downloads.

ISWWR... The Imperial March would be played at all major sporting events. - Andrew Marzka

ISWWR... Clones would be the employees at Wal-Mart. - Andrew Marzka

ISWWR... My other vehicle WOULD be the Millenium Falcon! - Andrew Marzka

ISWWR... Every kid would be targeting womp rats in their T-16s. - Andrew Marzka

ISWWR... The Top Gun Academy would be renamed: Top TIE. - Andrew Marzka

ISWWR... You would hear: "Who drank the blue milk from the carton?" - Andrew Marzka

ISWWR... Jawas would run every used car lot. - Andrew Marzka

ISWWR... Sand People would be sent to anger management class (in single file). - Andrew Marzka

ISWWR... T-shirts would read "Where in the galaxy is Tatooine?" - Andrew Marzka

ISWWR... On the next Jerry Springer show: "Meet The Skywalker's!" - Brent Dunston

ISWWR... The Detroit Lions would need their own Clone Wars to have someone to beat.

ISWWR... The TV reality show “Survivor” would be decided in the heat of a volcanic planet.

ISWWR... The first World War would have lasted 123 minutes.

ISWWR... The Cold War would have included Taun-tauns.

ISWWR... All we’d have is six episodes of a boring documentary.

ISWWR... High school would still have been painful... but for different reasons.

ISWWR... Mom would be living in MY basement.

ISWWR... George Lucas would buy my toys.

ISWWR... Your microwave would constantly remind you it is well versed in over six million forms of communication!


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